RANT RANT RANT

SO.............................

I have not blogged in a while, life happens.
But yesterday I was just having such a "woah is me, life is not fair day" that I thought this is the purpose of a Blog and I am going to complain about it now !

So Where to start ?

1.  I WANT TO BE A MOM
- back that up.  For semantics sake, yes I am a mom, yes I had a child.  But I mean I want to be a mom to a living child here on earth and I want this like, yesterday.  How ever it happens, weather its adoption, me giving birth or someone dropping a baby on my doorstep at this point I will take it.
Its very hard to watch EVERYONE I know, and lots of people I don't have babies, and the real kicker is that some of these people don't even want the kids they have.  ( at least they bitch about their kids at every turn )
Do you know how much I long to hear a baby cry ? How much I want to change a diaper ? How much I want to take pictures of my children ?
And all you do is complain...... this comment is not for everyone. Its for a few specific people I know who are complaining and then "magically they show up pregnant again"
Like if you don't want more kids use Birth control !!! Your breaking my heart.......

I know plenty of good people having children right now, this post is not directed at you. Its directed at the fact that life is not fair and there is NOTHING I can do about it, today. 


2.  I am having some ear problems.  This is recent as in the last two weeks.  I have a Disease that I was diagnosed with in 2009 called :

Meniere’s disease

Attacks or episodes of Meniere's disease often start without warning. They may occur daily, or as rarely as once a year. The severity of each episode can vary.

Meniere's disease usually has four main symptoms:

• Drop in hearing
• Pressure in the ear
• Ringing or roaring in the affected ear
• Vertigo

Yeah it sucks - again-- Nothing I can do about it until It decides to go away
Except I am deaf, cant hear and the hearing loss is so bad my Drs want me to get a hearing aid.

WTF ?

Yeah
So those are my complaints. That's where I was yesterday.
I prayed to God for patience, understanding, and Grace.
I guess he was all out.

31 Party !!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost Last Post


I am having a 31 Party !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday Sept 1st at 7:00pm

*** Brand New Fall Catalog ***

Message me for directions if you want to come !!

I will be leaving my party open until 9/7/2012
for catalog orders as well !!!!

Wedding Planning

Last Post......

So I have been helping my mom plan my brother and his fiancees wedding that is going to be here in Buffalo in October. 
Its very exciting and alot of fun considering I did this for myself just a little under two years ago. 

Since I last posted my mom and I went to Long Island, NY for Laura's shower there with her family and we had a blast.  I will post some pics at the end of this blog.  She is just so nice, and she gets along great with our family and with my brother !!!

See sometimes my brother can be smart ( as in a smart ass...... ha ha ) Love ya Joe.
And she knows how to give it right back to him when hes being funny,  and that I LOVE about her.  Plus she's going to make a great SIL !!

It kinda sucks that both my SIL are living out of town ( one in Long Island and one in Florida ) I feel like I am missing out on their lives, especially my SIL Dena who is currently approx 20 weeks Pregnant, and I want to be there to see my niece/nephew grow up, especially since I do not have Caleb around. 

Any who..... fun pics for you all !!

                                                                 Joe

                                                  Melissa, Laura & Jessica

                                                     Me & Mom

                                                       Joe & Laura

Grad School 4 Classes Down

Like the title suggests, 4 classes down about a bagillion to go.  Ha ha
No, more like 15 maybe ??

But as it stands I have a 4.0 in Grad School, and let me tell you this stuff is Hard !!
I have made a really good friend named Katie from class.  She and I have the same ethic, we work hard, we make a real effort for our grades, and I can see ourselves being friends for life. 

But I am glad to be entering this part of my life, especially when I have such bad days at work, and am so sick of being miserable at BCBS.  Anyone who knows me knows that I buts my but at work, and to be truthful, I am really sick of being under appreciated. 
I don't care if I make good money If I am always unhappy and trying to convince myself to get up and go to work. ( See FB post from last week )
Happy and poor ? Or Miserable and Rich ?? -- Not that I am rich, I think that needs to be changed to Miserable and OK. 

I am leaning everyday more and more to Happy and poor.

Caleb 1 year And Such

So the Caleb's Birthday has come and gone
It was 7/29/2012

Dan and I had a great morning, we went to the cemetery, tied on a "Your 1 years old today " balloon, and placed a cupcake on his stone with a lit candle.
We sang "Happy Birthday" and we did not even cry.  We enjoyed our mini Birthday bash for our little man.  Who I imagine is running around in heaven with my blond hair. Dan's blue eyes, and suspenders raising hell !!
Giving everyone a run for their money !!! ( I mean come on he's my kid )

I cant say everything I feel on here sometimes, and that bothers me, because for some reason things I say get back to the incorrect people and then it starts to become a problem.  Its sad that I can't even have an outlet to express myself and my feelings. 

But anyways, here are some pics from Caleb's first B-day :

Post Op 3 months Out

This is by far my favorite blog to write.
So much has changed in my health since my surgery in May 2012.

I am down a grand total of 53.5 pounds
I am off ALL BLOOD PRESSURE Meds !!! ( this alone is a HUGE accomplishment )
My Kidneys have made a dramatic turn around in 6 Months my protein in my urine dropped from 1261.00 Mcg to 697 and I was called today by my PCP that from 7/29/2012 to today my Protein dropped again to 225 mcg.
Its amazing the power of weight loss ( and Losartan )

I feel good, I look better than I ever had. 
But I  didn't realize all that I was missing.

The best part for me other than the Bp/Kidney changes are the fact that I have been "shopping" in my closet.  I have been wearing more skirts, dresses and shirts from two plus years ago because I can !! I forgot that I had them, and they fit well !!

There is nothing like hearing you look good.  Don't get me wrong, I have so much more to lose, at least another 60 pounds, but this is such an awesome start, I will NEVER go back. 

Even my Kidney Dr told me that I could start having kids in a year or two based on these results, but I have decided that Its not worth losing my kidneys, or health just to say that the baby is "mine"

Once you adopt a baby it's yours for life.  So I did not see the need for any change.  I do not want to jeopardize my future health or bury another child because I thought I had a chance.  Safe and healthy is the new way for me.


Heres a Pic In case you havent seen it :

2010 Vs 2012

Same Dress

Same Me

Down 50 plus pounds

Adoption Update

As of today we have been profiled 7 times. 
For those of you keeping track, that's ALOT since 6/4/2012
Its at least twice a month.

And yes, its hard to sit and wait, but as you can see I have PLENTY
to keep me busy with school, helping to plan a wedding, Dan and etc......

In case you were wondering though we are waiting to hear back on two profiles,
one local, one in another state. Both Bi-racial situations.  One girl, one gender unknown.  I have to say I couldn't be more excited to have a baby, we are all ready, have a nursery, stroller, and infant seat in my car.  All we need is someone to love.  I know that this is in God's hands and I pray on it.  So I keep an open heart and mind and remind myself that somewhere my child is "baking"
Ha ha ha

I have a wonderful parent advocate in Missy, at Adoption Star who takes care of me when I call and ask questions, or get sad because we don't have a baby yet. 
But she reminds me that we have been shown a lot and not to get discouraged.  It is going to happen. 

Whew..... Long time Gone

Hey all,
I know its been a long time.  So Long I don't even remember the last time I wrote. 
So according to my Blog it was July 3rd.
So this is been quite overdue. 

There has been ALOT going on !!

1.  No baby yet, but we are being profiled like crazy
2.  Post Op status I just cleared my 3 month mark !!
3.  The Babies Birthday came and went with no major melt down !
4.  School, School, School
5. The wedding for my brother is so Very Close !!

Lots to talk about so I will break them down into separate posts for you !

Adoption Highs and Lows

So here are some Highs and Lows that we have been experiencing since being all done with the paper process and waiting to be picked by a Birth Mom :

Highs:

Nesting is fun
Love to Buy things, clothes, strollers, Car seats, etc
Choosing Baby Names
Being Profiled - Its so awesome to get a call to hear about a baby/mom

Lows:

Bad News at Work about your lack of FMLA
( yeah I have none - making going out of work not good or easy )
Not being Picked/ waiting to be picked ( its hard but you have to stay positive )


Were strong folks !! Were hanging, and were excited !
I hope our little one comes soon !

6/7 Weeks Post OP !

Well I have been very busy with work, school etc..... so I apologize this is late/early depending on the week you interpret this from.

Weeks 6/7 haven't been that different.  I at about the same place.  Down 45 pounds.  I'm "stuck" I guess.  Which is an ok thing, since I was just cleared for all types of exercise on 6/29/2012.  So once I become more physically fit, I will start to eat more and the weight will come off more.

I had my follow up appt on 6/29/2012.
I am down 16% my excess body weight.
My BP is significantly lower ( reading are 117/79, 119/81 ) Vs the old me 45 pounds ago was easily 145/94 or 156/92 and that was with BP meds.

My Kidney Dr has decided to take me off my BP meds !! ( Very Cool )
Since I have been on them since I was pregnant last year ( 3/2011 )
So I am off Diovan, & Labatelol

I have developed a touch of acid reflux/heartburn issues, but this is a normal Sleeve side effect.  Also the Dr's state that my pouch could still be swollen.  So I am on generic Prilosec ( omeprazole ) but if that is the worse that will come of this so be it.  The pills are like wonder drugs, as long as I take them I feel fine.

Since I have been cleared for exercise I bought a Bike.  An Old Lady bike from Bert's ( its purple and called a Townie ) I feel old !!! but I like it, now I just need to find time to ride it. 

5 Weeks Post OP

Sunday was 5 weeks Post OP !!

I am down a total of 45 pounds now.  And its still freaking crazy to me.  It blows my mind.  I have a follow up appointment with the surgeon Friday, so they can check my progress.  But I am finally starting to believe that I am going to be a healthier person. 

Granted when people tell me that they are proud of me I tell them not to be, I had to cut out 2/3 of my stomach.  Please do not be proud of that !  It was so extreme,  nothing else I was doing was working.  I had to be forced.  But it clearly was for the better !!
I feel better, look better, my BP is back down to normal, hopefully at all my follow up appts this summer I can get off some meds !!

But the way I feel has changed.  I actually wore a skirt and shirt to church Sat because I felt like it looked good, not because I was required too.  I haven't dressed up EVER just because it felt nice. 
This is how I know that things are really changing.  Again, my rings are looser, and yes my towel fits around my body now.  But this was a big one for me.  I am so used to buying big beautiful clothes because when I was 16, it was NOT socially acceptable to be FAT.  Fashion Bug carried Moo Moos. 
Now you have Layne Bryant, Torrid, Fashion Bug with better clothes, Catherine's.  Even Prom Dresses and wedding dresses go to size 32.  My mom had my Prom dresses made for me in 1996 because a size 16 was no where to be found in JCPennys or Macy's etc......

Don't get me wrong, I am not converting to a " oh it feels so good to be skinny girl" I am far from there.  But society makes it OK to be heavy, and ULTRA heavy at that, cause I was.  But I am starting to realize that for me, sometimes its better to be healthy, and still a little heavy. 

So I am getting off my soap box. 

So here are some before and after pics, my surgery date was 5/17/2012.  The before pics are from April 2012.  The after is from This weekend 6/23/2012.


                                                                                 April 6th

                                                                          April 1st

                                                                       June 23rd

Sorry to be Gone so Long

Well I was supposed to be on vacation this past week 6/16-6/23 but of course as Murphy's Law would have it, things happen. 

Unfortunately, Dans Grandmother who was very sick passed away on Fathers Day. 
This already being a hard day for Dan ( our first Fathers Day without Caleb )
Last year I was blissfully pregnant, and this year not only does Dan not have his son, but now he lost his last remaining grandparent as well. 

We were also on vacation at the beach, so this was supposed to be a happy time, but not so much. 
We had a great day planned, I hid his gift in the car ( Amazon Kindle Fire ) , we had a great steak cookout planned for my family to come up and swim and eat. 
And this did happen but with a somber undertone. 

So Fathers Day was a bit rough this year.  Of course our hope is next year we will have our adopted child with us and this will all be a memory. 

Grandma was a classy lady though, she mentioned our son Caleb in the obit, which was pre-written and it brought tears to both our eyes. 

RIP Grandma, class all the way to the end. 

4 weeks Post OP !!

Holy CoW !!!
Hard to believe that it's been a month !!
Where has the time gone ?

Well drum roll please............

I am down a total of : 36.5 pounds today.

That seems absolutely freaking crazy to me.  I have never lost this much weight, nor ever kept off this much weight.  Now I know its only been a month, so I have to pace myself.  I know that the first month is the Rapid Weight loss month. 

Pretty soon I will have to exercise, and I will be able to eat more.  I think that's my most common question after how much have I lost.  Is how much can I eat ?
Not much and not alot at the same time.  But this was what I signed up for.
About 3oz at any given time.  Most things seem to be ok, No no's right now are caffeine, pop, and bread ( cause it takes up too much room in my tummy )
The goal is to get to about 7oz at a meal. ( in about 6-8 months )

I eat about every two hours, a snack of protein ( usually cheese, handful of nuts or some Greek yogurt )

A basic meal is about 1oz piece of protein and some vegetables.  ( some = 6 green beans, or 2 pieces of broccoli )

I have NO craving for Junk Food.  Its kinda nice,  and when I want something crunchy, nuts or microwave popcorn is ok. 

So that's my life so far !!

Back to Reality - Work

So it took me 1 day and 20 mins to be annoyed to be back at work and make me wish I was home on DBL again.  That sure didn't take long !!
The work environment is not one of fostering growth and love lately.  Its a fearful time and a walking on eggshells time for a lot of people.  Which makes for a tense environment. 
Now I have not partaken in anything that I am aware of that would buy into any of these fears, but lots of people near and dear to me are/have. 
So works not a "warm and fuzzy" place to be.

I just wish that I could stay home, not answer to the calender, and enjoy life.  But without this job, or any job I would not have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on my table.  The little bit that I can eat.......

So "Hi ho, Hi ho..... its off to work I go !! "


I hope we adopt soon !!! I am looking forward to some time off to bond with my baby !

3 weeks Post OP

Just an Update on my Surgery.  I am 3 weeks post OP and I am going back to work on Monday 6/11/2012

I am down 32.5 pounds which to me seems INSANE !!!
I don't feel like I look any different, but I do notice what they call NSV or non scale victories

My Jeans ( both pairs ) do not fit even when buttoned !! They fall down around my ankles, which is both good news and bad.  Good because YEAH I am losing weight.  Bad because I have no freaking Jeans and those were pretty new from Layne Bryant = 55.00 a pair.  Ah well, someone at AMVETS is going to be very happy. 

Also My wedding rings are loose

My bath towel wraps all the way around my body ( this is a big one for me )

So even though I don't "feel" any different, I know that changes are happening.  So Hopefully I can keep up the good work when I go back to work/school this weekend. 
I mean the devil in my head keeps telling me that NOTHING has ever worked for me, so why would this ?  But I have to say, I cant eat more than I can handle or I get sick, and I cant have the crap foods cause they don't appeal to me but also because they make me feel awful !!

So....... I guess its a wait and see process.
But so far so good !!

Nursery Is Done

I know its been like 2 weeks since I have posted, but that's because I have been enjoying this recovery thing !!

Ok, really I have still had a lot on my plate.

Dans Grandma is moving between really sick and really well everyday, its very hard on us.
So I have daily trips to the Hospital.  I also had a lot of school work to do while I was off these 3 weeks since I have school this weekend !
I had a 2 page paper to write ( extra credit since I BOMBED my midterm) and then a Power Point Presentation for class on Sunday and a FINAL to study for, also on Sunday !!

On a positive note the NURSERY is finished !!!
Our home study is done !! Dan and I are waiting to be matched to a birth mom !
So now we wait, and I am ok with that, we have had a great 2012 so far, so now a little slow down and wait will be good for us. 

Here are some pics !!

2 Weeks Post Op

Well you would think since I am off from work recuperating that I would have all of this free time to Blog.  Ha ha
Not so much.......
There is alot going on in my life right now.  So lets get to it !

First and foremost.... I am two weeks post op today !! And I am down 31 pounds !!!
HOLY HELL BATMAN !!
Its unreal to me that the weight is falling off of me and I do not even realize it.
Granted I am eating ALOT less, mostly eating mushy foods like Cream of Wheat, soup and
drinking things like tea, coffee, lemonade ( sugar free ) and water !!

But for someone who has never been skinny this is quite a surprise to me.
Again, I would never have done the VSG unless my health was at risk, but it is nice to see
a drastic improvement in my health so early on.
Its a GREAT motivator !!
Things I have also learned :

1.  I cant eat too much too quick or else ( don't ask or else what )
2. I still have to sip my drinks, no gulping or I will burp forever or feel like I have a boulder on my chest
3.  I don't miss most foods like I thought I would
4. Fast food= No interest !!


What else ??
Oh yes, we have had out first of two visits with our Social Worker for the adoption.  Her name is Linley and shes great ! We have our last visit on Monday and then we will "wait to be matched" to a birth mom !!

Dan and I are so excited, and my BFF Katie helped me paint the soon to be nursery and get it ready.
Its starting to look so good !!

There is also some Bad/Sad News.  Dans Grandma is very sick.  She has had a few hospital admissions in the last few months but she has been in now since Friday 5/25 and it does not look good that she will be recovering or going home.  She is 89, and very weak.  She is took weak for any exploratory services to be done to find the root cause of her problems.  So they are trying to make her comfortable in her final days, but we do not know how long that is going to be.  It is hard for me to watch her be in pain, or have trouble breathing, but much harder to watch my husband be in pain.  I lost most of my grandparents when I was younger.  ( 12, 13, and then when I was 21. ) So I have not had to have a loss like this for some time.  Losing Caleb was excrutiating, but different that this.  How do you say goodbye to someone who has been there for 34 years of your life ? Like my husbands Grandmother has been for him ? I am just supportive in this trying time.  But Its hard all around

1st Post Op Appt

Well I went to the Dr yesterday for my first post op appointment !
Some very good things came out of that for me. 
I am alive, I feel generally well for the most part, and even though I feel like a giant gas bubble I am still happy with my decision. 

The Dr's are very happy with my incisions healing ( I think they look gross )
They cleared me to drive ( I'm in no hurry to go anywhere at the moment)
I still am on a no heavy lifting or bending for 4 weeks restriction
No tubs or swimming until I go back to work ( anticipated date 6/11/2012 barring any life altering issues)

I feel very weird, having to sip my liquids VERY slow is hard for me
If I do not I burp everything back up painfully ( or it just comes back up -- gross I know )
I was carefully upgraded to pureed foods yesterday as well
Let me tell you 3 tablespoons of Mashed Potato flakes never tasted so DAM GOOD in my life !!
Hot tea agrees with me as well.
I tested cream of wheat this morning, 1 packet took me an hour and a half to eat ( but eh who's counting )
And I just had some very blenderized egg salad. ( about 2 tablespoons )
So Far so Good !

It feels good to get some Real Protein into me cause I have developed an aversion to my Protein shakes right now.  They do not go down so good, and don't taste so hot. 
I hope that changes in time.  The focus is fluids, protein, and exercise.


I have also walked around my block the last two days, but it does wind me a little.  I just thing I do not have the energy being on liquids only. 

But Charley keeps me company, and I have PLENTY of school work to do !!
Having said all of that....... I wouldn't have done this if I thought I had another option, and I wouldn't recommend it unless you are sure you can do it.
Its not easy, comfortable, or something to be taken lightly. 

Surgery (Pre & Post )

So I thought I was smart, and was going to get away with it.
Not explaining myself or my reasons for having surgery,  but since it has come to my attention that most people know anyway, this should not be a surprise to anyone.

For those of you who have not been following me since I started this blog, I have a Kidney disease called FSGS ( Focal segmental glomerulosclerosis )  According to my Kidney Physician this is partially due to heredity, but also based on obesity.  If I were to lose a significant amount of weight it is possible that my kidneys could repair themselves in 3-4 years from the weight loss.

So.........After discussing it with my OBGYN, PCP, and Kidney Specialist we decided that a form of Bariatric Surgery would be ideal to help me get the weight off. 

This is NOT something that I entered into lightly, or for lack of a better term have not heard all of the comments about.  Some things to be advised of :
1. This is not easy ( anyone who says this is the easy way out has no idea whats going on and they are full of shit )
2.  This is strictly medically based, not vanity.  I liked being fat and happy. ( I hate that I lost my son and that I could lose my Kidney(s) if I do not fix this
3.  I have plenty of reasons why conventional weight loss methods have not worked. 

The surgery I had was the Bariatric Sleeve gastrectomy.  This is a surgical weight-loss procedure in which the stomach is reduced to about 25% of its original size, by surgical removal of a large portion of the stomach, following the major curve. The open edges are then attached together (often with surgical staples) to form a sleeve or tube with a banana shape. The procedure permanently reduces the size of the stomach. The procedure is performed laparoscopically and is not reversible.

So I had surgery on 5/17/2012 at Sisters Hospital, and was discharged on 5/19/2012. 
I am doing well and I am just a little sore.  I knew that it was going to be different, and it is, but IT REALLY IS different.  So you figured it out, I had Gastric Bypass Sleeve surgery.  I am happy with my decision and I hope it goes smoothly from here.  Please wish me luck !

I plan to be hot !!!! ( as a side note )

Adoption Class # 5 - The END

Adoption Law was the last class last night, and very cool actually.
I was destined to be a lawyer in another life.  I like the rules and law, and arguing.  I could totally get paid to do that !   I like looking for a creative way to solve a problem, etc......

Any who, I learned all about rights of the Birth mother
Rights of the Birth father ( NY got something right, we are very Adoption friendly )
and the rights of the Birth grandparents ( yeah they have none..... )

And then we were handing a completion certificate and now its on to the home study itself.  Our file is on its way to the Social Worker, her name is Linley.  Once she calls we can set up our home study appointment. 

It feels very good to be almost done with the process and one step closer to adopting our little addition to the family !!

Mothers Day

Was yesterday. 
Was not too bad.
I really did not cry, until today, 5/14/2012.  Weird right ?

I had school, and my midterm to keep me busy.  Plus we celebrated Dan's mom and my mom.  So we didn't have to think about me. 

My biggest irrational fear when Caleb died is that no one would remember me as a "Mother".  That people would just forget that I had a child.  Someday I would just revert back to being Jamie.  And I would never have another card on Mother's day.  Who worries about things like that ?? That's why it is/was an irrational fear.  Since the nearest and dearest to me wished me a Happy Mothers Day.  My fear was completely irrational. 

I know that I am a mother.  I know that I will always be a mother.
I just miss my little boy.  I will miss Caleb forever.

School !!

Well I am now into my Third class.  Summer semester if you will !
Theories of a Counselor.  ( DRY as toast )
But that's ok, I love school.  I love my fellow classmates, my teachers, and most of the time even the books !

So I had school on Mothers Day weekend ( more on that later )
And It was a nice distraction.
Student presentations and a midterm exam.
Crossing my fingers for a semi-decent grade.  There was an extra credit essay !
I'm shooting for an 80-85 ! ( I know that sounds bad, but this was a TOUGH book to read and comprehend )

Adoption Class #4

All about Adopting another race, gender, ethnicity etc......
This was a tough class.  Not because we do not believe in the concept.  We do.
We are actually very open to race, ethnicity, and gender. 
Dan and I want a happy and healthy baby regardless of skin color, sex, etc......

But this topic tends to bring peoples uncomfort level up, and makes everyone feel as if they have to be "PC" or else.
It's ok if you do not want children of a different race, or sex, or gender.
The agency does NOT judge, which is wonderful.

Its more the fear of the outside world judging and thinking that were not good enough to raise a child, let alone a child different from ourselves. At least that was the class consensus.

Our thoughts : We want to parent a child that needs us as much as we need them.

Weekend Shenanigans

You would think a weekend without my husband would be quiet and drama free.
HA !!! Not so much. 

My Loving husband broke our BRAND NEW lawnmower after one use ( on the first use ) by bending the blade.  Please do not ask me how, I still do not know. 
So a week goes by and our backyard starts to look trashy at best.
This will not do ! I hint to Dan " are you going to mow the lawn ? " He says " he has to get the mower repaired" I ask again ...... "when will you do this ? " He says Sunday. 
This is Thursday and he is going out of town for the weekend.  So all I know is that the two nicest days of the weekend he will be out of town.

So I decide that I am going to get the mower fixed, and mow the lawn for Dan as a surprise !! Right ?? Great idea ?!
So I thought........

I talked to my brother who advised me to get a new blade at Walmart for 20.00
And then all I needed to do was bring the mower to him Sunday morning and he would put it on for me.  Well.......

I go to Walmart at 10pm on Sat to get the blade,  the "young man" working at Walmart at 10pm decides he wants to try to pick me up by telling me that he went to the gym and hes all sore.  O.M.G.  -- Gross
I ask the young man to point me to the Lawnmower blades, and he proceeds to tell me that there are too many for me to choose from. Thankfully my brother told me it was a 22 inch blade. 

I got my blade and got out of Dodge ! Then I get home and attempt to lift the mower into my Escape ( remember all of the wonderful things that got moved in my car this week ?? ) As I go to lift the mower up I realize its way to heavy for someone of my stature and I almost drop it on my toe !! Instead I dump it towards me and the gas starts spilling out of the gas cap !! All over my shirt, all in my car.  Oh the smell is awful !!

Long story short, my brother fixed the blade and I mowed the lawn Sunday morning.  Got a hell of a sunburn and spent prob 65.00 at Delta sonic on Gas, Car Wash, and Interior car shampooing to clean out the Gas smell.  Which is still lingering.
Whew........ Kinda glad its Monday !!

Future Nursery

Because Adoption can happen "very Quickly" as Dan and I have seen
we are starting to prepare our Gender Neutral Nursery for a new baby.

I admit the thought was hard, seeing as we had a whole Nursery Ready to go for Caleb but since he never came home to it, and we donated everything we had, I know that this is a good idea, and Caleb would be ok with this. 

We decided on a new Gender neutral theme and color.  We are stuck on the color for sure, it is going to be some form of green.  But we have our baby cribbing ordered.  ( also from Target !! )

Its called Tiddliwinks In the Pond.

Wall colors we can't decide on !!

First Comes Love.......

I want to say a very Belated but HAPPY ENGAGEMENT to my Brother and his beautiful Fiancee Laura !!!!

My new sister Rocks !!!

I first met her at my wedding and she was so nice, and she and Joe were made for each other ! They like the same things, she is very funny, and she doesnt take any crap !

She has always felt like family to me, since she was there for my wedding, birth and death of my son Caleb and everthing in between.  She is a wonderful addition to our family and I am so proud to call her my Sister. 

So CONGRATS AGAIN !!!!

Patio Set

So Dan and I went looking for a Patio Set this weekend.
Found one we liked at Kmart.  Priced it out, sat in it, loved it.
Decided we would put it on lawaway since we couldnt fit it in our Escape.

We get back to Layaway, wait 25 minutes in Line to find out they have he table and Umbrella, but no chairs.  And no idea when chairs would be sent to them.  Ok,scratch that idea.  What a colossal waste of time !!

Move on to Sunday, me by myself shopping at Target for small painbrushes.  I wanted to put some sample colors on the wall of what is going to be the "new nursery"
I wonder bck to Patio Furniture and find an amazing set on sale !!

Table - $99.00
4 chairs - 199.00
2 Captains Chairs - 99.00
Umbrella - 99.99

Becautiful set....... First time nice lawn furniture purchase

So of course, I drive an Escape.  I buy the stuff and they wheel it up to Service
Keep in Mind I came in for paint Brushes ( that they did not have )
I stop to buy popcorn and Starbucks while I wait........

And the set is in 3 LARGE boxes........
1 for the table
1 for the 4 chairs
1 for the 2 chairs
Oh and the Umbrella...... OMG !

What was I thinking ?? And as they foolishly attempt to take it to my Escape ( ha ha )
It starts to rain, so now I am soaked, have one box that fits with the umbrella and I say, Ok can I come right back for this ( since I am like a 10 min drive away )

Um no..... Target Policy is that they can not hold Paid Merchandise. ( REALLY ?? WTF ??? ) I am tried, cold, wet and angry !!

I am so beat down emotionally, so I call my Mother in Law who graciously agrees to meet me back at Target in a Half an hour.  They return my 2 boxes on a Gift card and hold them at the desk. I drive home to unload, turn around and go right back to get the rest.  WHEW !!!!

Its not set up yet, but it is a nice set.

Adoption Class # 3

This was about the Open Adoption and the concept of How open you want to be.
This was taught by my family advocate Missy, so I was bias already to how much fun it was going to be.  But it also points out the reality Vs the perception of Open Adoption.

Come on, be real.  When you hear "Open Adoption" you think:

1.  Lifetime Movie
2.  Woman hiding in bushes to steal kid away
3.  Woman/Man changing mind and ripping kid away -- big court battle ensues
4.  Stalking ??

Basically craziness, but this is the false advertising, glamorous TV movie version that people know because it sells movie time. 

Lets Talk about Reality :

1.  This is an agency that offers assistance to Birth Mothers
( food, money, prenatal care, placement assistance )
Birth mothers come to Adoption Star , they MAKE this choice.... this is not mandated or forced. 

2.  Because this is a CHOICE, and a pretty huge one, most Birth Mothers/Fathers do not re-nig on their decision.  They want what is best for their child.  They are just as scared as you are.

3.  They are afraid of us "finding/stalking" them as we are of the opposite. 

4.  In NYS once a Birth mother signs her surrender of parental rights, after 30 days the surrender is permanent- no matter what.  Regardless what the TV movies show.
Most times if a Parent chooses to "parent" they decide this before the surrender is signed or before the delivery so a placement is never actually made. 


Now that we all got that out of our system....... do we feel any better ?

Dan and I are pro what is in the best interest of the child.
Open adoption is good because you have complete access to the Birth parent(s) for things like Medical information, future siblings, and anything else that may arise that you do not know now, but would need to know in the future.  Plus their "wonder and mystery" of where the child came from is gone.  They know. 

I hope this puts some people's minds at ease
Then again, it really only needs to be Dan and I whose mind is at ease.

I'm Fat

Big Bombshell there in the title folks !!
Who doesn't know this about me ??

The thing is for as long as I can remember I have been ok with being overweight.
I mean don't get me wrong.  I would LOVE to be skinny, but I have never been so I never knew what I was missing.

I always had great friends, I always had boyfriends, I always had a great relationship with my family.  No one ever made me feel bad about myself for being heavy.
With the exception of a few nasty Boys in the 6th-8th grade and of course my Physicians as I got older into my 20's ( like age 25- 30 )

I never "wanted" to be anyone other than me.
I liked being me.  I have a great life.

Yes my life has been hard recently, but for the most part I would not change a thing.
We all have struggles, and I have been blessed that my struggles have been few and Far between. 

Now I have a health issue that REQUIRES me to get healthy, skinny, whatever you want to call it.  My kidneys need to have the weight off of them so they will function better.  If I lose the weight by Blood Pressure will be better,  then I will spill less protein and my kidneys can hopefully return to normal.

Nothing prior to this has ever made me want to lose weight.  Nothing has motivated me, Not the constant ( but loving ) nagging from my mom, the Physicians, or anyone else.  Not my Fathers Kidney issue ( that would never happen to me I thought ) Not even the loss of my son.  ( cause that's not my fault -- I didn't lose him because I was fat )

But In hindsight, This is all my fault.  I have been this happy fat person my whole life, and I have loved my life.  But now being happy and fat has caused me undue stress on my Kidneys.  They indirectly caused me to lose my son ( no I do not blame myself don't worry -- but I know that this part could have been avoided ) My Father is a Kidney transplant patient due to UNTREATED HYPERTENSION !!! HELLO Jamie ?? Wake up call much ??? 

So, I get it, now.  And I hope its not too late.  I am 32, and just starting to realize that I can take back my life.  I can be happy and healthy.  ( and I do not have to be fat )
Fat doesn't have to be..........

I can CHOOSE to make a change !

I going to make the change
I am the change !

My mom would be so proud of me if she read this ( Mom, someone make you read this ) I want to be around for my future children I plan to adopt.  And their children someday.  Dan and I have a lot more years to spend together ( sorry Dan )

I get it now.  And I am going to do something about it.

Adoption Class # 2

Well this class was not scary to me.....
But I could see the fear in people's eyes.
This was the class where we discussed the Child Interest grids.

Or basically deciding what type of child you are willing to consider
( One with Mental Health Issues, Alcohol exposure, Drug Exposure, etc.... )

And this is a very Long list of things.  Drug Exposure could mean as little as taking a Tylenol during pregnancy to Crack cocaine.  And Alcohol could mean having that one glass of wine before knowing she was pregnant, all the way up to "drinking a glass a day" until she gives birth.

So these are hard calls to make, and very important things to consider. Granted Dan and I discussed a lot of this pre-class, basically back in February when we started the process ( since we have Excellent Adoptive Parent Mentors we knew about all of this ahead of time )

But the thoughts and processes are scary.  We are supposed to start interviewing pediatricians now ( I remember doing this for Caleb *sigh* )
And start building a nursery now because this could go very quickly.  Especially because Dan and I are open to considering quite alot.  We just want a happy, healthy baby as most parents do.  So there are not a lot of " deal changers for us "

Pampered Chef

Ok, Anyone who knows me, knows that I am NOT a domesticated woman.
I do not cook, I do not clean. ( not because I do not like these things - but I will freely admit that I am LAZY )

And not that I sit around the house all day......
I work FT
I go to Graduate School FT
I am trying to become a Parent

I have a lot going on !

So the irony of me holding a Pampered Chef cooking show/party is not lost on me.
But the stuff is truly amazing and it works !
I went to my first party in March at my friend Kym's house ( I follow Kym's blog BTW )
And everything about the party was great ! The people, the food, the ideas.
It made the idea of cooking for me fun again.  It made me feel like I could make the time to cook....... in between all my craziness !


So.......
I am having a Pampered Chef Party, for those of you ( most of you who read this blog )
Are aware -- are invited.
4/28/2012
At My house 6:00pm - 9pm

Menu : Cheeseburger Salad
           Homemade Potato Chips
           Brownies

Lots of Fun and Social interaction Await !!

Adoption Class # 1

I have been so but I wanted to talk about how very cool our adoption class was.

There are approx 10 couples, a single mom ( I think - who has adopted 2 children from Adoption Star before, and one Same sex couple )

Our Class name is Spring Green ( picked out of a box of crayons )
Very cool !

We did a lot of ice breakers and generally talked about our Hopes and Fears for adoption before we get into the next classes that are going to be more intensive by subject.  ( Adoption Law, Caring for Adopted Children, Raising Children of Different races, origins etc.... )

But the class was excellent, the people were fun and I was glad to see that I did not feel that it was a waste of time but more a learning experience. 

Semester 4.0

Ok, I don't wanna brag.......
But wait yes I do !!!!!!!!!

I got a 100 on my Final exam in Abnormal Psychology and another A, which makes this a 4.0 semester for me.  My first.  I am on the deans list and I am very excited about this.  With EVERYTHING that I have going on ( Work, Adoption, School, Medical )
I have managed to work very hard, set aside some time and help to make my future dreams a reality.  The best term I ever had in undergrad was a 3.89 the semester I took 20 Credit hours and the Dean had to sign off on my extreme credit load.

This is quite an accomplishment for me and it was not easy.
I am very proud of myself and very excited to move into the summer semester that starts "now" but my next set of classes are Mother's Day Weekend.  ( That's good actually, something to take my mind off the sadness )

So Yeah for me !

Team 4.0

I am so bad at Blogging.  I am so busy I have no time !!
But I am proud to say that I am part of team 4.0 !!
I finally got my grades from my Jan/Feb classes and I got an A !
I am so excited that my hard work is paying off.
I do have class this weekend and I have a final on Sunday 4/15. 
If I do well, I am on my way to another A, and a solid 4.0 for the semester.
I am very excited to think that I could go back to school, Graduate School no less with the year that I have had behind me.
But Caleb inspired me to do this, and I know that he would be so proud of his mommy!
I do all of this for him ( and for me too ! )

Bored......

So I am super Bored today. 
Time is dragging and I have nothing to do @ work.  I mean there is seriously 5 mins between calls.  Its crazy ! 
This also means that The day after Easter is going to be a Phone nightmare !!!!

The weather is nice, I am dying to go home !!
Tomorrow I am off for Good Friday and I am excited because I get to see some of my favorite people.  Amy, Chris and Nicholas !!

Our favs from Adoption Star, but they are also excellent friends. 
I will have to try and take some pics to post so people do not think I am making these people up.  Ha ha
Were gonna hang out and have pizza and just chill !
So excited !!!!


Lets see...... Probably going to try to get my car inspected Sat if I wake up in a normal amount of time.  Sunday is Easter.  We are having like Lunch/Dinner with my Mother in Law and then dinner 5 hours later with my family.  I am looking forward to the food part. 

I do not have much else going on. 
Adoption classes start soon ( 4/17, 4/24, 5/1, 5/8, 5/15 )
Then comes the Home study !
Then comes the hardest part........ waiting to be matched to "our" child.
I am so blessed that this has been going so smooth, and I am excited to see where this path in life is going to take us.

Pictures !

I am still new to the Blogging thing but I wanted to put some pics up to let everyone know how we have been and whats been going on !!


Dyed My Hair Brown !!

Placed Some Easter Stuff on Caleb's Marker for Him

An Awesome "Fortune" from PF Chang's ! Hopefully some foreshadowing into our future !

Our Doggy Charley !

Loaded Post

So things are busy.......

Work has been really tough.  I am too thin skinned.  I take offense too easily, I cry often, and I over worry.  I don't know if its because of all that I have been thru or if I have always been this way.  I guess that's for you guys to tell me.
But case in point......

1.  We have a Quality program at work, our calls are monitored to ensure accuracy.
And it seems lately that no matter what I do Its not good enough.  I always miss "just one thing" and I fail the call.  Failing once in a while is not a big deal.  Failing once a month for 3 months is a big deal to me.  I am used to having NO errors, let alone never failing.  So I am so preoccupied with doing well I am not doing well at all 

2.  Then I just piss people off to easily, God only knows how or why.  I cough too loud, I look at people wrong, I say something to loud, in the wrong tone of voice.  This place is really starting to break me. 

I mean, I work in a place where its like peoples goal to break you down, hurt your feelings, and make you wish you stayed in bed.  Its so hard to enjoy your work or your day when your constantly made to feel like crap



Then of course there are the times when I get my feelings hurt away from work too. ( Friends, Family )
I can't help but put my faith in people and then when they let me down I assume its cause of me.  That they are not listening to me or that they do not care about me.  I know that this is not true, but it doesn't lessen the hurt at the time.


I am happy though, please don't get me wrong,  My cough is finally gone.
I got my hair died a beautiful brownish red !!
Dan and I are so in love !!
I look forward to the remainder of my year of 2012 with joy and anticipation !

There's lots of greatness on the Horizon !

Back in the Land Of the Living

Hello All !

It feels so good to be back amongst living people. 
Doing normal mundane things like driving my car, going to work, and watching TV.
You ever wake up from a really good dream and try really hard to get back to sleep or you've got the flu and promise yourself you'll appreciate normal so much more if you could just get back to it. That's how I felt all last week !

This week is better.  Its cold out but the sun is high in the sky.
I have a hair appt Sat.  That's always fun and exciting.

I am struggling a little with my new identity of being me, or how others see me, or how I see me. 

I am a Full Time employee, Graduate Student, Mother, Bereaved Parent, Soon to be Adoptive Parent, Short, Obese, Woman. Pretty much in that order.

I am having a hard time with reconciling events that are coming up that have to do with Infant Loss when I am not particularly "sad" at the moment.  I have moved onto a different stage of grief. For a few months now I have felt Happy, Blessed, Thankful, and Proud of my son Caleb and the time I was granted with him. So the idea of going to any events that would make me sad bother me.
I do not want to be comforted, I do not want to be coddled, I do not want to be bo-hooed.  Instead I want to smile, and dance, and remember all of the good that my son has brought into my life and continues to do on a daily basis :

1.  Graduate School - without Caleb I would never have found the strength to go back to school for my calling of really helping people

2.  Kidney Disease - Not a wonderful thing in it of itself but now that I know I have it I can better live my life, get healthy and live longer

3. Adoption - Caleb has brought us the opportunity to have a brother or sister for him through the gift of adoption as well as some wonderful irreplaceable people that I have met in Amy & Chris & Nick ( their family is such a God Send )
We were meant to meet !



I am so Blessed and Happy this year as opposed to last year.  2012 is meant to be our year ! Don't get me wrong, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my son or miss him terribly.  But Now I know why they say things happen for a reason.
Caleb fulfilled his reasons for us in just 58 days.  I am so lucky to have gotten a chance to be his mommy. 

So Sick

Hi all.........
Sorry to be absent from blogging but I have been sick, very sick since Sunday.  It really sucks because this has been a record breaking week of 82 degree temps and I have literally been in bed, shades down,
fan on. 

But since I have enough strength to get to the computer today, I figured I could blog about my sickness. Ha ha

Well its again sinusitis, Bronchitis, and the Dr thinks I get this twice a year because the tubes in my ears are not formed right, and therefore the phlegm backs up and then it collects virus's and then I get sick.  Fun right ?

Anyways I am on a dose of antibiotics finally and starting to feel a little better.
I am hoping that some of the of nice weather will still be there when I venture out of the house.


But........

This weekend should be nice !!
I have a Pedi and my first hot stone massage and then a Pampered Chef Party on Sat !
So Baring any setbacks with my health I should have a nice weekend. 

Good Days, Sunshine

I feel like a kid.  Its sunny out and my first instinct is to go outside and play !
I want to go outside into the sun.  Hmmmmm I hate being an adult.

Well on that note, my day has not been that exciting.
I had some labs this morning before work, I am now working.

My Best friends bought a new Van today ! Very exciting for them !
I am so looking forward to the weekend.

Going to the Buffalo Zoo for the first time in probably 10 years easy.......
With my Best friends who just bought the van and their children. 
Its going to be Sunny and Beautiful and warm and fun !

Saturday night we have Dan's Grandmothers 89th B-day party !
OMG !! That's quite the accomplishment. It is important that we go, but it makes me realize that I hope she will be around for at least one of our adopted children. 

Our Adoption Agency Adoption Star released their 2011 statistics today
They placed 57 babies in 2011 ( so approx a little over 1 per week )
They placed 68.4 % healthy Babies and 31.6 % were considered at risk for special needs ( birth parents could have been drug exposed or mental illness background)
31 Boys
26 Girls
They mostly paced Caucasian babies , then African and Biracial, and lastly Other ( Indian, Asian, etc..... )
Average wait time in 2011 was 8.1 months

This gives me such hope ! I am smiling from ear to ear !

And it keeps Getting Better

So How excited was I after the longest day imaginable that I had a last minute dinner invitation to my friends house ? Very Excited !!
I needed some adult time.....
So Pros's and Con's
1.  They live in Eden ( pro and con )...... Love the house, the land, the drive in the daytime ( hard to find at 730pm )
2.  The power went out ( pro and con ) We had so much fun with it though, I am so easy breezy and so are they.  They were gracious enough to still have me over with no power on.  LOVE THEM
3.  The Food was EXCELLENT ( pro )
4.  The Company was EXCELLENT ( pro )

I had so much fun I didn't want to leave. By the time I did It was 11pm, then I had the 28 minute ride home ( con, sad )

We are soooooo doing that again !!

And then this morning on the way to work a freaking Mallard Duck flies onto my path from Nowhere !!!!
I mean it literally tried to land on the roof of my car, so when I swerved around it, it then tried to land in my driver side window.  I about died of fear of killing this bird.  It was not this happy when it was diving at me by the way !!!!

Oh Lord what a start to my day !!

Well That Didnt Last too Long

So what ever happened to Judge Not lest ye be judged ?

Just curious since I work with some of the meanest, most spiteful, nasty, women I have ever met.  They are all so quick to "judge" everyone else but never stop to look at themselves.  And to be fair its not all of them.  But its probably 30/40.  To be fair(er) we also have two men that work with me that don't give a crap about anything.  So ha ha ha.  I mean I am not perfect by far, but I try to take others into consideration. 

But this place is breaking me down. 
To the point that my sunny disposition is being robbed.
I am done !!
No more being nice to people, no more "extras" like candy at my desk.
No more speaking until spoken to
No more extra help to co-workers

Nothing, I'm DONE
They have pissed off the nice girl for the last time.
And its too bad.  Cause they are missing out on a great thing !

Today is a Great Day !

So I fell down again on blogging but its because I had school again. 
This was the MOST stressed I felt about school in a long time since I had a total of 3 weeks to study for a midterm, write a power point, and present an entire chapter on sleep disorders from memory.

It was a lot to do, and learn in the midst of having my "life", work and everything else in between. 

But I am the happiest I have been in a long time because :

1.  I have no more stress about the weekend with school cause I lived thru it !
2.  I got a 100% on my presentation
3. I got a 90% on my midterm !

So school is now done for 5 weeks when I go back for my final !

Its nice to take a deep breath and relax. 

The adoption things are still the same, no changes until we take our class and are then home studied.  I am now going to work on finalizing our profile book for prospective mothers to review.  Its like a 20 page advertisement to "pick" Dan and I for parenthood.  *sigh*

You know when you can have your own kids you do not have to prove your worthiness to anyone....... just saying.

Oh and BTW it is 68 degrees outside.  Last time I blogged we had excellent weather !

Life is good !

Wacky Wed

So its Buffalo, In March and its 60 degrees at least !
Sun is out, windows down in my car on the way to work, Sunroof open and sunglasses on!  Days like this I am genuinely happy !

Days like this give me hope, courage, and faith that there is something wonderful waiting for Dan and I.  I love days like today !

But back today being weird !
My dentist was being a little bit of a creeper today !?
He was like flirting with me and throwing around all of this weird sexual innuendo.
Like ew......
He's like my Dad's age ( like 60 + )
I'm Married

Maybe its the weather.  So I will let it go this time
But it was very odd. 

So Tired

So I was so Tired yesterday that I left my house Keys in my door Overnight  !
BIG OOPS !!!
Thanks to all my honest neighbors for not stealing my car or breaking into my house!

I don't know why Monday's can do that do us.  But this is going to be a busy week for me with school and work, and my looming medical issues etc.....

I feel so drained lately. 
Good news is that I was able to add more money to the adoption pot !
Got some more money saved.  We have a long way to go though, I'm sure people do not know or are afraid to ask but adoption is expensive.
Unless you foster to adopt ( which is free-ish)
But we want to raise a child start to finish and fostering the point is to reunite families and We do not want a child to come into our home, fall in love with it, and send it on its way.

So Domestic adoption is usually less expensive than international adoption due to travel expenses.
Private adoption can be less expensive than Domestic ( in case anyone knows anyone --- were looking ...... LOL )
Ah. If only it were that easy

But the point is its expensive,  like buying an SUV with cash all at one time.
Not a used one.  But it is all worth it in the end.
To see that miracle that someone carried into the world for us, that gift that we cant give ourselves.  That's the end goal that makes it all worth it.

Monday, Monday

Isn't this the Title of a song ?

Any who Good Morning to all my friends and Fam and followers !
Its Monday, yahoo !
Well at least it is Sunny for the moment, and I have a coffee in front of me and some lunch for later and some candy for the day.
Little things make me happy. 

I had a wonderful weekend with the Girls on Saturday night and my best friends Katie and Logan on Sunday.  And in between all I did was live at my computer doing homework and worked on our adoption profile book.

The homework made my head hurt.
The profile book is fun, and coming along, but it takes some thought and
I still have a lot of editing and adding to do.
Its odd because when you can have kids you never have to think about "selling yourself" to someone as why you would make good parents.
You just know you would.  Its a hard line to walk...... selling yourselves but not being too pushy.

So I am working very hard....... being me is exhausting !

So Much for Writing Every day

Happy March Folks !
I am sooooo busy with school I can not even think straight !

I feel like I am neglecting myself, Dan, others, especially others who are helping me along this adoption process.  ( so I apologize for not being around to : Sandy, Mike M, Mike A , Kelly, Katie, Logan, Amy and Chris ........ )
If I left you out I am sorry to you too ! ( Matt and Dena -- even though your not here )
I can barely pick up my phone some days to text let alone call.
But I am alive and well.

So work is going well, school is stressing me the hell out.
School is making me wonder if I have time right now ?
I mean I pride myself on being a good student, and I just feel like there is never
enough time.  My God what will I do when I get a child ?

Then of course there are my hopes for a child.  I dream of making my new nursery,
buying new baby things, naming a new child.  I have hopes that I once thought were dead and gone with Caleb. 

I miss Caleb, daily, but I keep smiling when I remember all of the joy he brought to my life.  And all of the things I am still learning today because he was here with us. But yeah, I miss him.

Adele

So why did I not know how good Adele's music was until this year ?
I am way late to the Adele train but she is so good !!

1. Rolling In The Deep
2. Rumor Has It
3. Set Fire To the Rain
4. Someone Like you

I had no idea she sang all of this.  I'm so excited, sitting here singing along and typing. 
So Yeah, that's my giant revelation of the day today. 
I keep meaning to Blog everyday but I am so busy with school and stuff I am just drained
and can't bring myself to do it.  LOL
But I am going to give it my all from now on.  Day to day.......
I also have some great Blogs to look at for Great ideas ( Thanks Kym )

Weekend of 2/25-2/26

I was so happy to have the opportunity to catch up with a high school friend whom I have not seen since High School.  A lot of time has passed since we graduated and It was almost like being on a first date..... are they still going to like me ? How has he/she changed ? How have I changed ?

Anyways, we "ate" lunch for 5 hours !!! Ha ha ha
I guess it was a good date ! LOL
We had a blast, it was like old times, and I realized there was no need to be nervous.  How silly of me.  I love that I can connect with people from my past and we can forge new meaningful relationships now. 
The one thing that I have seen is people change, people mature and grow.
( were not all the same people we were in High School )

Not that we were all bad in High School....... but I have amazing friendships with people that never gave me the time of day before and if we had tried back then we may have seen that we had a lot in common.  And some people that were my "best friends" dont even bother to give me the time of day....... so go figure ?