I'm Fat

Big Bombshell there in the title folks !!
Who doesn't know this about me ??

The thing is for as long as I can remember I have been ok with being overweight.
I mean don't get me wrong.  I would LOVE to be skinny, but I have never been so I never knew what I was missing.

I always had great friends, I always had boyfriends, I always had a great relationship with my family.  No one ever made me feel bad about myself for being heavy.
With the exception of a few nasty Boys in the 6th-8th grade and of course my Physicians as I got older into my 20's ( like age 25- 30 )

I never "wanted" to be anyone other than me.
I liked being me.  I have a great life.

Yes my life has been hard recently, but for the most part I would not change a thing.
We all have struggles, and I have been blessed that my struggles have been few and Far between. 

Now I have a health issue that REQUIRES me to get healthy, skinny, whatever you want to call it.  My kidneys need to have the weight off of them so they will function better.  If I lose the weight by Blood Pressure will be better,  then I will spill less protein and my kidneys can hopefully return to normal.

Nothing prior to this has ever made me want to lose weight.  Nothing has motivated me, Not the constant ( but loving ) nagging from my mom, the Physicians, or anyone else.  Not my Fathers Kidney issue ( that would never happen to me I thought ) Not even the loss of my son.  ( cause that's not my fault -- I didn't lose him because I was fat )

But In hindsight, This is all my fault.  I have been this happy fat person my whole life, and I have loved my life.  But now being happy and fat has caused me undue stress on my Kidneys.  They indirectly caused me to lose my son ( no I do not blame myself don't worry -- but I know that this part could have been avoided ) My Father is a Kidney transplant patient due to UNTREATED HYPERTENSION !!! HELLO Jamie ?? Wake up call much ??? 

So, I get it, now.  And I hope its not too late.  I am 32, and just starting to realize that I can take back my life.  I can be happy and healthy.  ( and I do not have to be fat )
Fat doesn't have to be..........

I can CHOOSE to make a change !

I going to make the change
I am the change !

My mom would be so proud of me if she read this ( Mom, someone make you read this ) I want to be around for my future children I plan to adopt.  And their children someday.  Dan and I have a lot more years to spend together ( sorry Dan )

I get it now.  And I am going to do something about it.

Adoption Class # 2

Well this class was not scary to me.....
But I could see the fear in people's eyes.
This was the class where we discussed the Child Interest grids.

Or basically deciding what type of child you are willing to consider
( One with Mental Health Issues, Alcohol exposure, Drug Exposure, etc.... )

And this is a very Long list of things.  Drug Exposure could mean as little as taking a Tylenol during pregnancy to Crack cocaine.  And Alcohol could mean having that one glass of wine before knowing she was pregnant, all the way up to "drinking a glass a day" until she gives birth.

So these are hard calls to make, and very important things to consider. Granted Dan and I discussed a lot of this pre-class, basically back in February when we started the process ( since we have Excellent Adoptive Parent Mentors we knew about all of this ahead of time )

But the thoughts and processes are scary.  We are supposed to start interviewing pediatricians now ( I remember doing this for Caleb *sigh* )
And start building a nursery now because this could go very quickly.  Especially because Dan and I are open to considering quite alot.  We just want a happy, healthy baby as most parents do.  So there are not a lot of " deal changers for us "

Pampered Chef

Ok, Anyone who knows me, knows that I am NOT a domesticated woman.
I do not cook, I do not clean. ( not because I do not like these things - but I will freely admit that I am LAZY )

And not that I sit around the house all day......
I work FT
I go to Graduate School FT
I am trying to become a Parent

I have a lot going on !

So the irony of me holding a Pampered Chef cooking show/party is not lost on me.
But the stuff is truly amazing and it works !
I went to my first party in March at my friend Kym's house ( I follow Kym's blog BTW )
And everything about the party was great ! The people, the food, the ideas.
It made the idea of cooking for me fun again.  It made me feel like I could make the time to cook....... in between all my craziness !


So.......
I am having a Pampered Chef Party, for those of you ( most of you who read this blog )
Are aware -- are invited.
4/28/2012
At My house 6:00pm - 9pm

Menu : Cheeseburger Salad
           Homemade Potato Chips
           Brownies

Lots of Fun and Social interaction Await !!

Adoption Class # 1

I have been so but I wanted to talk about how very cool our adoption class was.

There are approx 10 couples, a single mom ( I think - who has adopted 2 children from Adoption Star before, and one Same sex couple )

Our Class name is Spring Green ( picked out of a box of crayons )
Very cool !

We did a lot of ice breakers and generally talked about our Hopes and Fears for adoption before we get into the next classes that are going to be more intensive by subject.  ( Adoption Law, Caring for Adopted Children, Raising Children of Different races, origins etc.... )

But the class was excellent, the people were fun and I was glad to see that I did not feel that it was a waste of time but more a learning experience. 

Semester 4.0

Ok, I don't wanna brag.......
But wait yes I do !!!!!!!!!

I got a 100 on my Final exam in Abnormal Psychology and another A, which makes this a 4.0 semester for me.  My first.  I am on the deans list and I am very excited about this.  With EVERYTHING that I have going on ( Work, Adoption, School, Medical )
I have managed to work very hard, set aside some time and help to make my future dreams a reality.  The best term I ever had in undergrad was a 3.89 the semester I took 20 Credit hours and the Dean had to sign off on my extreme credit load.

This is quite an accomplishment for me and it was not easy.
I am very proud of myself and very excited to move into the summer semester that starts "now" but my next set of classes are Mother's Day Weekend.  ( That's good actually, something to take my mind off the sadness )

So Yeah for me !

Team 4.0

I am so bad at Blogging.  I am so busy I have no time !!
But I am proud to say that I am part of team 4.0 !!
I finally got my grades from my Jan/Feb classes and I got an A !
I am so excited that my hard work is paying off.
I do have class this weekend and I have a final on Sunday 4/15. 
If I do well, I am on my way to another A, and a solid 4.0 for the semester.
I am very excited to think that I could go back to school, Graduate School no less with the year that I have had behind me.
But Caleb inspired me to do this, and I know that he would be so proud of his mommy!
I do all of this for him ( and for me too ! )

Bored......

So I am super Bored today. 
Time is dragging and I have nothing to do @ work.  I mean there is seriously 5 mins between calls.  Its crazy ! 
This also means that The day after Easter is going to be a Phone nightmare !!!!

The weather is nice, I am dying to go home !!
Tomorrow I am off for Good Friday and I am excited because I get to see some of my favorite people.  Amy, Chris and Nicholas !!

Our favs from Adoption Star, but they are also excellent friends. 
I will have to try and take some pics to post so people do not think I am making these people up.  Ha ha
Were gonna hang out and have pizza and just chill !
So excited !!!!


Lets see...... Probably going to try to get my car inspected Sat if I wake up in a normal amount of time.  Sunday is Easter.  We are having like Lunch/Dinner with my Mother in Law and then dinner 5 hours later with my family.  I am looking forward to the food part. 

I do not have much else going on. 
Adoption classes start soon ( 4/17, 4/24, 5/1, 5/8, 5/15 )
Then comes the Home study !
Then comes the hardest part........ waiting to be matched to "our" child.
I am so blessed that this has been going so smooth, and I am excited to see where this path in life is going to take us.

Pictures !

I am still new to the Blogging thing but I wanted to put some pics up to let everyone know how we have been and whats been going on !!


Dyed My Hair Brown !!

Placed Some Easter Stuff on Caleb's Marker for Him

An Awesome "Fortune" from PF Chang's ! Hopefully some foreshadowing into our future !

Our Doggy Charley !

Loaded Post

So things are busy.......

Work has been really tough.  I am too thin skinned.  I take offense too easily, I cry often, and I over worry.  I don't know if its because of all that I have been thru or if I have always been this way.  I guess that's for you guys to tell me.
But case in point......

1.  We have a Quality program at work, our calls are monitored to ensure accuracy.
And it seems lately that no matter what I do Its not good enough.  I always miss "just one thing" and I fail the call.  Failing once in a while is not a big deal.  Failing once a month for 3 months is a big deal to me.  I am used to having NO errors, let alone never failing.  So I am so preoccupied with doing well I am not doing well at all 

2.  Then I just piss people off to easily, God only knows how or why.  I cough too loud, I look at people wrong, I say something to loud, in the wrong tone of voice.  This place is really starting to break me. 

I mean, I work in a place where its like peoples goal to break you down, hurt your feelings, and make you wish you stayed in bed.  Its so hard to enjoy your work or your day when your constantly made to feel like crap



Then of course there are the times when I get my feelings hurt away from work too. ( Friends, Family )
I can't help but put my faith in people and then when they let me down I assume its cause of me.  That they are not listening to me or that they do not care about me.  I know that this is not true, but it doesn't lessen the hurt at the time.


I am happy though, please don't get me wrong,  My cough is finally gone.
I got my hair died a beautiful brownish red !!
Dan and I are so in love !!
I look forward to the remainder of my year of 2012 with joy and anticipation !

There's lots of greatness on the Horizon !