2 Weeks Post Op

Well you would think since I am off from work recuperating that I would have all of this free time to Blog.  Ha ha
Not so much.......
There is alot going on in my life right now.  So lets get to it !

First and foremost.... I am two weeks post op today !! And I am down 31 pounds !!!
HOLY HELL BATMAN !!
Its unreal to me that the weight is falling off of me and I do not even realize it.
Granted I am eating ALOT less, mostly eating mushy foods like Cream of Wheat, soup and
drinking things like tea, coffee, lemonade ( sugar free ) and water !!

But for someone who has never been skinny this is quite a surprise to me.
Again, I would never have done the VSG unless my health was at risk, but it is nice to see
a drastic improvement in my health so early on.
Its a GREAT motivator !!
Things I have also learned :

1.  I cant eat too much too quick or else ( don't ask or else what )
2. I still have to sip my drinks, no gulping or I will burp forever or feel like I have a boulder on my chest
3.  I don't miss most foods like I thought I would
4. Fast food= No interest !!


What else ??
Oh yes, we have had out first of two visits with our Social Worker for the adoption.  Her name is Linley and shes great ! We have our last visit on Monday and then we will "wait to be matched" to a birth mom !!

Dan and I are so excited, and my BFF Katie helped me paint the soon to be nursery and get it ready.
Its starting to look so good !!

There is also some Bad/Sad News.  Dans Grandma is very sick.  She has had a few hospital admissions in the last few months but she has been in now since Friday 5/25 and it does not look good that she will be recovering or going home.  She is 89, and very weak.  She is took weak for any exploratory services to be done to find the root cause of her problems.  So they are trying to make her comfortable in her final days, but we do not know how long that is going to be.  It is hard for me to watch her be in pain, or have trouble breathing, but much harder to watch my husband be in pain.  I lost most of my grandparents when I was younger.  ( 12, 13, and then when I was 21. ) So I have not had to have a loss like this for some time.  Losing Caleb was excrutiating, but different that this.  How do you say goodbye to someone who has been there for 34 years of your life ? Like my husbands Grandmother has been for him ? I am just supportive in this trying time.  But Its hard all around

1st Post Op Appt

Well I went to the Dr yesterday for my first post op appointment !
Some very good things came out of that for me. 
I am alive, I feel generally well for the most part, and even though I feel like a giant gas bubble I am still happy with my decision. 

The Dr's are very happy with my incisions healing ( I think they look gross )
They cleared me to drive ( I'm in no hurry to go anywhere at the moment)
I still am on a no heavy lifting or bending for 4 weeks restriction
No tubs or swimming until I go back to work ( anticipated date 6/11/2012 barring any life altering issues)

I feel very weird, having to sip my liquids VERY slow is hard for me
If I do not I burp everything back up painfully ( or it just comes back up -- gross I know )
I was carefully upgraded to pureed foods yesterday as well
Let me tell you 3 tablespoons of Mashed Potato flakes never tasted so DAM GOOD in my life !!
Hot tea agrees with me as well.
I tested cream of wheat this morning, 1 packet took me an hour and a half to eat ( but eh who's counting )
And I just had some very blenderized egg salad. ( about 2 tablespoons )
So Far so Good !

It feels good to get some Real Protein into me cause I have developed an aversion to my Protein shakes right now.  They do not go down so good, and don't taste so hot. 
I hope that changes in time.  The focus is fluids, protein, and exercise.


I have also walked around my block the last two days, but it does wind me a little.  I just thing I do not have the energy being on liquids only. 

But Charley keeps me company, and I have PLENTY of school work to do !!
Having said all of that....... I wouldn't have done this if I thought I had another option, and I wouldn't recommend it unless you are sure you can do it.
Its not easy, comfortable, or something to be taken lightly. 

Surgery (Pre & Post )

So I thought I was smart, and was going to get away with it.
Not explaining myself or my reasons for having surgery,  but since it has come to my attention that most people know anyway, this should not be a surprise to anyone.

For those of you who have not been following me since I started this blog, I have a Kidney disease called FSGS ( Focal segmental glomerulosclerosis )  According to my Kidney Physician this is partially due to heredity, but also based on obesity.  If I were to lose a significant amount of weight it is possible that my kidneys could repair themselves in 3-4 years from the weight loss.

So.........After discussing it with my OBGYN, PCP, and Kidney Specialist we decided that a form of Bariatric Surgery would be ideal to help me get the weight off. 

This is NOT something that I entered into lightly, or for lack of a better term have not heard all of the comments about.  Some things to be advised of :
1. This is not easy ( anyone who says this is the easy way out has no idea whats going on and they are full of shit )
2.  This is strictly medically based, not vanity.  I liked being fat and happy. ( I hate that I lost my son and that I could lose my Kidney(s) if I do not fix this
3.  I have plenty of reasons why conventional weight loss methods have not worked. 

The surgery I had was the Bariatric Sleeve gastrectomy.  This is a surgical weight-loss procedure in which the stomach is reduced to about 25% of its original size, by surgical removal of a large portion of the stomach, following the major curve. The open edges are then attached together (often with surgical staples) to form a sleeve or tube with a banana shape. The procedure permanently reduces the size of the stomach. The procedure is performed laparoscopically and is not reversible.

So I had surgery on 5/17/2012 at Sisters Hospital, and was discharged on 5/19/2012. 
I am doing well and I am just a little sore.  I knew that it was going to be different, and it is, but IT REALLY IS different.  So you figured it out, I had Gastric Bypass Sleeve surgery.  I am happy with my decision and I hope it goes smoothly from here.  Please wish me luck !

I plan to be hot !!!! ( as a side note )

Adoption Class # 5 - The END

Adoption Law was the last class last night, and very cool actually.
I was destined to be a lawyer in another life.  I like the rules and law, and arguing.  I could totally get paid to do that !   I like looking for a creative way to solve a problem, etc......

Any who, I learned all about rights of the Birth mother
Rights of the Birth father ( NY got something right, we are very Adoption friendly )
and the rights of the Birth grandparents ( yeah they have none..... )

And then we were handing a completion certificate and now its on to the home study itself.  Our file is on its way to the Social Worker, her name is Linley.  Once she calls we can set up our home study appointment. 

It feels very good to be almost done with the process and one step closer to adopting our little addition to the family !!

Mothers Day

Was yesterday. 
Was not too bad.
I really did not cry, until today, 5/14/2012.  Weird right ?

I had school, and my midterm to keep me busy.  Plus we celebrated Dan's mom and my mom.  So we didn't have to think about me. 

My biggest irrational fear when Caleb died is that no one would remember me as a "Mother".  That people would just forget that I had a child.  Someday I would just revert back to being Jamie.  And I would never have another card on Mother's day.  Who worries about things like that ?? That's why it is/was an irrational fear.  Since the nearest and dearest to me wished me a Happy Mothers Day.  My fear was completely irrational. 

I know that I am a mother.  I know that I will always be a mother.
I just miss my little boy.  I will miss Caleb forever.

School !!

Well I am now into my Third class.  Summer semester if you will !
Theories of a Counselor.  ( DRY as toast )
But that's ok, I love school.  I love my fellow classmates, my teachers, and most of the time even the books !

So I had school on Mothers Day weekend ( more on that later )
And It was a nice distraction.
Student presentations and a midterm exam.
Crossing my fingers for a semi-decent grade.  There was an extra credit essay !
I'm shooting for an 80-85 ! ( I know that sounds bad, but this was a TOUGH book to read and comprehend )

Adoption Class #4

All about Adopting another race, gender, ethnicity etc......
This was a tough class.  Not because we do not believe in the concept.  We do.
We are actually very open to race, ethnicity, and gender. 
Dan and I want a happy and healthy baby regardless of skin color, sex, etc......

But this topic tends to bring peoples uncomfort level up, and makes everyone feel as if they have to be "PC" or else.
It's ok if you do not want children of a different race, or sex, or gender.
The agency does NOT judge, which is wonderful.

Its more the fear of the outside world judging and thinking that were not good enough to raise a child, let alone a child different from ourselves. At least that was the class consensus.

Our thoughts : We want to parent a child that needs us as much as we need them.

Weekend Shenanigans

You would think a weekend without my husband would be quiet and drama free.
HA !!! Not so much. 

My Loving husband broke our BRAND NEW lawnmower after one use ( on the first use ) by bending the blade.  Please do not ask me how, I still do not know. 
So a week goes by and our backyard starts to look trashy at best.
This will not do ! I hint to Dan " are you going to mow the lawn ? " He says " he has to get the mower repaired" I ask again ...... "when will you do this ? " He says Sunday. 
This is Thursday and he is going out of town for the weekend.  So all I know is that the two nicest days of the weekend he will be out of town.

So I decide that I am going to get the mower fixed, and mow the lawn for Dan as a surprise !! Right ?? Great idea ?!
So I thought........

I talked to my brother who advised me to get a new blade at Walmart for 20.00
And then all I needed to do was bring the mower to him Sunday morning and he would put it on for me.  Well.......

I go to Walmart at 10pm on Sat to get the blade,  the "young man" working at Walmart at 10pm decides he wants to try to pick me up by telling me that he went to the gym and hes all sore.  O.M.G.  -- Gross
I ask the young man to point me to the Lawnmower blades, and he proceeds to tell me that there are too many for me to choose from. Thankfully my brother told me it was a 22 inch blade. 

I got my blade and got out of Dodge ! Then I get home and attempt to lift the mower into my Escape ( remember all of the wonderful things that got moved in my car this week ?? ) As I go to lift the mower up I realize its way to heavy for someone of my stature and I almost drop it on my toe !! Instead I dump it towards me and the gas starts spilling out of the gas cap !! All over my shirt, all in my car.  Oh the smell is awful !!

Long story short, my brother fixed the blade and I mowed the lawn Sunday morning.  Got a hell of a sunburn and spent prob 65.00 at Delta sonic on Gas, Car Wash, and Interior car shampooing to clean out the Gas smell.  Which is still lingering.
Whew........ Kinda glad its Monday !!

Future Nursery

Because Adoption can happen "very Quickly" as Dan and I have seen
we are starting to prepare our Gender Neutral Nursery for a new baby.

I admit the thought was hard, seeing as we had a whole Nursery Ready to go for Caleb but since he never came home to it, and we donated everything we had, I know that this is a good idea, and Caleb would be ok with this. 

We decided on a new Gender neutral theme and color.  We are stuck on the color for sure, it is going to be some form of green.  But we have our baby cribbing ordered.  ( also from Target !! )

Its called Tiddliwinks In the Pond.

Wall colors we can't decide on !!

First Comes Love.......

I want to say a very Belated but HAPPY ENGAGEMENT to my Brother and his beautiful Fiancee Laura !!!!

My new sister Rocks !!!

I first met her at my wedding and she was so nice, and she and Joe were made for each other ! They like the same things, she is very funny, and she doesnt take any crap !

She has always felt like family to me, since she was there for my wedding, birth and death of my son Caleb and everthing in between.  She is a wonderful addition to our family and I am so proud to call her my Sister. 

So CONGRATS AGAIN !!!!

Patio Set

So Dan and I went looking for a Patio Set this weekend.
Found one we liked at Kmart.  Priced it out, sat in it, loved it.
Decided we would put it on lawaway since we couldnt fit it in our Escape.

We get back to Layaway, wait 25 minutes in Line to find out they have he table and Umbrella, but no chairs.  And no idea when chairs would be sent to them.  Ok,scratch that idea.  What a colossal waste of time !!

Move on to Sunday, me by myself shopping at Target for small painbrushes.  I wanted to put some sample colors on the wall of what is going to be the "new nursery"
I wonder bck to Patio Furniture and find an amazing set on sale !!

Table - $99.00
4 chairs - 199.00
2 Captains Chairs - 99.00
Umbrella - 99.99

Becautiful set....... First time nice lawn furniture purchase

So of course, I drive an Escape.  I buy the stuff and they wheel it up to Service
Keep in Mind I came in for paint Brushes ( that they did not have )
I stop to buy popcorn and Starbucks while I wait........

And the set is in 3 LARGE boxes........
1 for the table
1 for the 4 chairs
1 for the 2 chairs
Oh and the Umbrella...... OMG !

What was I thinking ?? And as they foolishly attempt to take it to my Escape ( ha ha )
It starts to rain, so now I am soaked, have one box that fits with the umbrella and I say, Ok can I come right back for this ( since I am like a 10 min drive away )

Um no..... Target Policy is that they can not hold Paid Merchandise. ( REALLY ?? WTF ??? ) I am tried, cold, wet and angry !!

I am so beat down emotionally, so I call my Mother in Law who graciously agrees to meet me back at Target in a Half an hour.  They return my 2 boxes on a Gift card and hold them at the desk. I drive home to unload, turn around and go right back to get the rest.  WHEW !!!!

Its not set up yet, but it is a nice set.

Adoption Class # 3

This was about the Open Adoption and the concept of How open you want to be.
This was taught by my family advocate Missy, so I was bias already to how much fun it was going to be.  But it also points out the reality Vs the perception of Open Adoption.

Come on, be real.  When you hear "Open Adoption" you think:

1.  Lifetime Movie
2.  Woman hiding in bushes to steal kid away
3.  Woman/Man changing mind and ripping kid away -- big court battle ensues
4.  Stalking ??

Basically craziness, but this is the false advertising, glamorous TV movie version that people know because it sells movie time. 

Lets Talk about Reality :

1.  This is an agency that offers assistance to Birth Mothers
( food, money, prenatal care, placement assistance )
Birth mothers come to Adoption Star , they MAKE this choice.... this is not mandated or forced. 

2.  Because this is a CHOICE, and a pretty huge one, most Birth Mothers/Fathers do not re-nig on their decision.  They want what is best for their child.  They are just as scared as you are.

3.  They are afraid of us "finding/stalking" them as we are of the opposite. 

4.  In NYS once a Birth mother signs her surrender of parental rights, after 30 days the surrender is permanent- no matter what.  Regardless what the TV movies show.
Most times if a Parent chooses to "parent" they decide this before the surrender is signed or before the delivery so a placement is never actually made. 


Now that we all got that out of our system....... do we feel any better ?

Dan and I are pro what is in the best interest of the child.
Open adoption is good because you have complete access to the Birth parent(s) for things like Medical information, future siblings, and anything else that may arise that you do not know now, but would need to know in the future.  Plus their "wonder and mystery" of where the child came from is gone.  They know. 

I hope this puts some people's minds at ease
Then again, it really only needs to be Dan and I whose mind is at ease.