RANT RANT RANT

SO.............................

I have not blogged in a while, life happens.
But yesterday I was just having such a "woah is me, life is not fair day" that I thought this is the purpose of a Blog and I am going to complain about it now !

So Where to start ?

1.  I WANT TO BE A MOM
- back that up.  For semantics sake, yes I am a mom, yes I had a child.  But I mean I want to be a mom to a living child here on earth and I want this like, yesterday.  How ever it happens, weather its adoption, me giving birth or someone dropping a baby on my doorstep at this point I will take it.
Its very hard to watch EVERYONE I know, and lots of people I don't have babies, and the real kicker is that some of these people don't even want the kids they have.  ( at least they bitch about their kids at every turn )
Do you know how much I long to hear a baby cry ? How much I want to change a diaper ? How much I want to take pictures of my children ?
And all you do is complain...... this comment is not for everyone. Its for a few specific people I know who are complaining and then "magically they show up pregnant again"
Like if you don't want more kids use Birth control !!! Your breaking my heart.......

I know plenty of good people having children right now, this post is not directed at you. Its directed at the fact that life is not fair and there is NOTHING I can do about it, today. 


2.  I am having some ear problems.  This is recent as in the last two weeks.  I have a Disease that I was diagnosed with in 2009 called :

Meniere’s disease

Attacks or episodes of Meniere's disease often start without warning. They may occur daily, or as rarely as once a year. The severity of each episode can vary.

Meniere's disease usually has four main symptoms:

• Drop in hearing
• Pressure in the ear
• Ringing or roaring in the affected ear
• Vertigo

Yeah it sucks - again-- Nothing I can do about it until It decides to go away
Except I am deaf, cant hear and the hearing loss is so bad my Drs want me to get a hearing aid.

WTF ?

Yeah
So those are my complaints. That's where I was yesterday.
I prayed to God for patience, understanding, and Grace.
I guess he was all out.

31 Party !!!!!!!!!!!!

Almost Last Post


I am having a 31 Party !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday Sept 1st at 7:00pm

*** Brand New Fall Catalog ***

Message me for directions if you want to come !!

I will be leaving my party open until 9/7/2012
for catalog orders as well !!!!

Wedding Planning

Last Post......

So I have been helping my mom plan my brother and his fiancees wedding that is going to be here in Buffalo in October. 
Its very exciting and alot of fun considering I did this for myself just a little under two years ago. 

Since I last posted my mom and I went to Long Island, NY for Laura's shower there with her family and we had a blast.  I will post some pics at the end of this blog.  She is just so nice, and she gets along great with our family and with my brother !!!

See sometimes my brother can be smart ( as in a smart ass...... ha ha ) Love ya Joe.
And she knows how to give it right back to him when hes being funny,  and that I LOVE about her.  Plus she's going to make a great SIL !!

It kinda sucks that both my SIL are living out of town ( one in Long Island and one in Florida ) I feel like I am missing out on their lives, especially my SIL Dena who is currently approx 20 weeks Pregnant, and I want to be there to see my niece/nephew grow up, especially since I do not have Caleb around. 

Any who..... fun pics for you all !!

                                                                 Joe

                                                  Melissa, Laura & Jessica

                                                     Me & Mom

                                                       Joe & Laura

Grad School 4 Classes Down

Like the title suggests, 4 classes down about a bagillion to go.  Ha ha
No, more like 15 maybe ??

But as it stands I have a 4.0 in Grad School, and let me tell you this stuff is Hard !!
I have made a really good friend named Katie from class.  She and I have the same ethic, we work hard, we make a real effort for our grades, and I can see ourselves being friends for life. 

But I am glad to be entering this part of my life, especially when I have such bad days at work, and am so sick of being miserable at BCBS.  Anyone who knows me knows that I buts my but at work, and to be truthful, I am really sick of being under appreciated. 
I don't care if I make good money If I am always unhappy and trying to convince myself to get up and go to work. ( See FB post from last week )
Happy and poor ? Or Miserable and Rich ?? -- Not that I am rich, I think that needs to be changed to Miserable and OK. 

I am leaning everyday more and more to Happy and poor.

Caleb 1 year And Such

So the Caleb's Birthday has come and gone
It was 7/29/2012

Dan and I had a great morning, we went to the cemetery, tied on a "Your 1 years old today " balloon, and placed a cupcake on his stone with a lit candle.
We sang "Happy Birthday" and we did not even cry.  We enjoyed our mini Birthday bash for our little man.  Who I imagine is running around in heaven with my blond hair. Dan's blue eyes, and suspenders raising hell !!
Giving everyone a run for their money !!! ( I mean come on he's my kid )

I cant say everything I feel on here sometimes, and that bothers me, because for some reason things I say get back to the incorrect people and then it starts to become a problem.  Its sad that I can't even have an outlet to express myself and my feelings. 

But anyways, here are some pics from Caleb's first B-day :

Post Op 3 months Out

This is by far my favorite blog to write.
So much has changed in my health since my surgery in May 2012.

I am down a grand total of 53.5 pounds
I am off ALL BLOOD PRESSURE Meds !!! ( this alone is a HUGE accomplishment )
My Kidneys have made a dramatic turn around in 6 Months my protein in my urine dropped from 1261.00 Mcg to 697 and I was called today by my PCP that from 7/29/2012 to today my Protein dropped again to 225 mcg.
Its amazing the power of weight loss ( and Losartan )

I feel good, I look better than I ever had. 
But I  didn't realize all that I was missing.

The best part for me other than the Bp/Kidney changes are the fact that I have been "shopping" in my closet.  I have been wearing more skirts, dresses and shirts from two plus years ago because I can !! I forgot that I had them, and they fit well !!

There is nothing like hearing you look good.  Don't get me wrong, I have so much more to lose, at least another 60 pounds, but this is such an awesome start, I will NEVER go back. 

Even my Kidney Dr told me that I could start having kids in a year or two based on these results, but I have decided that Its not worth losing my kidneys, or health just to say that the baby is "mine"

Once you adopt a baby it's yours for life.  So I did not see the need for any change.  I do not want to jeopardize my future health or bury another child because I thought I had a chance.  Safe and healthy is the new way for me.


Heres a Pic In case you havent seen it :

2010 Vs 2012

Same Dress

Same Me

Down 50 plus pounds

Adoption Update

As of today we have been profiled 7 times. 
For those of you keeping track, that's ALOT since 6/4/2012
Its at least twice a month.

And yes, its hard to sit and wait, but as you can see I have PLENTY
to keep me busy with school, helping to plan a wedding, Dan and etc......

In case you were wondering though we are waiting to hear back on two profiles,
one local, one in another state. Both Bi-racial situations.  One girl, one gender unknown.  I have to say I couldn't be more excited to have a baby, we are all ready, have a nursery, stroller, and infant seat in my car.  All we need is someone to love.  I know that this is in God's hands and I pray on it.  So I keep an open heart and mind and remind myself that somewhere my child is "baking"
Ha ha ha

I have a wonderful parent advocate in Missy, at Adoption Star who takes care of me when I call and ask questions, or get sad because we don't have a baby yet. 
But she reminds me that we have been shown a lot and not to get discouraged.  It is going to happen.